Day 13 “Communication in Bed: How to Talk About What You Want (Without Dying of Embarrassment)”

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Communication in Bed: How to Talk About What You Want (Without Dying of Embarrassment)

The best sex happens between people who talk to each other. Not dirty talk (though that’s fun too) — real, honest communication about what feels good, what doesn’t, and what you want to try.

Why We Don’t Talk

  • Fear of hurting our partner’s feelings
  • Worry about sounding “weird” or “too demanding”
  • Not having the vocabulary to describe sensations
  • Cultural messaging that “good sex should just happen naturally”

Conversation Starters That Work

Before Sex

  • “I read about [thing] and thought it might be fun to try. What do you think?”
  • “What have you always wanted to try but felt too shy to ask?”
  • “I love when you do [specific thing]. Can we do more of that?”

During Sex

  • “Harder/softer/slower/faster” — simple, direct
  • “That feels amazing” — positive reinforcement
  • “Can we try [adjustment]?” — gentle redirection
  • “I want you to [action]” — clear, hot, direct

After Sex

  • “What was your favorite part?”
  • “Is there anything you wanted more of?”
  • “I really loved when you did [thing]. Thank you.”

The “Yes, No, Maybe” List

A game-changer for couples:

  1. Each person makes a private list: things you’d love to try (YES), things you’re open to exploring (MAYBE), and hard limits (NO)
  2. Share and compare
  3. Focus on mutual YES items, negotiate MAYBE items, respect NO items unconditionally

Boundaries and Consent

  • Enthusiastic consent is sexy, not a buzzkill
  • “I’m not sure” means stop and talk, not “convince me”
  • Check in regularly, especially with new partners or new activities
  • It’s okay to change your mind mid-session

Vocabulary for Sensations

Instead of “that feels good,” try:

  • “I love the pressure right there”
  • “Can you move slightly to the left?”
  • “More friction/less friction”
  • “I want to feel you deeper/closer”

Pro Tips

  • Talk outside the bedroom first — lower pressure environment
  • Use “I” statements — “I love when…” instead of “You never…”
  • Compliment before requesting — “You feel amazing, and I’d love if…”
  • Make it a regular practice — not just a one-time conversation

Recommended Activity for Today

🍭 Create a “Yes, No, Maybe” list with your partner — even if you’ve been together for years. You’ll be surprised what you learn.

Tomorrow: Spicing things up — routines, date nights, and new adventures.

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